In case you haven’t noticed, the weather has basically sucked for the past week here in Pennsylvania (a.k.a. the Land that God Forgot). I suppose my depression has caught the “sucky” bug and made my past few days beyond challenging. Every smile, every step, every task completed took an enormous amount of energy that couldn’t even be solved by a night’s rest. My attire consisted of leggings and fuzzy socks. Don’t even get me started on my eating habits. To cease to exist would be a blessing … but we all know that won’t happen without consequences. Two interesting things happened during these times, though, that made me realize maybe these demons can be used to help other people directly (not just you, Loves, who stumbled upon this blog).
A good friend of mine has been dealing with a relapse of some pretty serious depression while struggling to hold together the relationship he has with his girlfriend. I told him these exact words: “I know it’s painful. There’s not much that hurts more than ending a relationship you put so much of yourself into. You probably feel abandoned and unworthy, but remember, you’re not. So many people are put through breakups that shatter their heart, trust, even outlook on life itself. However, when you weld your heart/trust/life back together, it will bring into the picture a whole new person with strengths and boundaries and knowledge that the person before would never have had. So instead of allowing your mind to ruminate over how awful you feel, take this time to do something you absolutely love doing by yourself. Put the phone on do not disturb. Turn up the music. And lose yourself.” He was immediately comforted to know that someone understood his feelings. He also felt better once he allowed himself to escape reality for a bit.
The next day, I was running around for last minute Christmas shopping with my mom. As we got in the car, she looked at me and confessed how anxious she felt about feeling as if she were forgetting something again. I took the opportunity to enlighten her in the cruel way anxiety works. Since she constantly tells herself (verbally and mentally) that her brain is stupid or she’s such an idiot for not remembering this or that, her anxiety (currently a hesitant diagnosis) trained itself to bombard her with accusations of forgetfulness no matter where she was or what she was doing. I told her instead of punishing her mind for attempting to save her from forgetting, be gentle. Rationalize the situation. Anxiety can’t maintain its grip if you talk yourself down. She smiled and thanked me profusely for making her feel at ease with the situation.
These are just simple ways to triumph over those demons that can’t leave you alone for 5 damn minutes. Take this advice to heart, because someday it may save you or someone you know. A warrior is not always someone who wears armor, shoots a gun or carries a sword, jumps into combat to defeat another country. Each day we wake up to fight the same battles over and over, giving 100% of whatever strength we have for that day. That, dear friends, is what makes a warrior.
Promise me you will always keep up this fight. You are lovable. You are worth it. You are strong. You are a fucking warrior, because you are here right now reading this post. Keep fighting for me. Much love, and happy holidays!