If you have anxiety like me, you’ll be familiar with the word “ruminate”: to repeat random thoughts over and over, pondering deeply. This effect occurs with most strength after an attention grabbing movie or book. Tonight, my church had a showing of the movie Miracle from Heaven. I felt obliged to go, therefore, I anticipated dozing off halfway through. However, the movie hit home. I couldn’t help but watch. At the end, it wasn’t the declaration of faith that moved me; it was the perseverance of faith and hope. They used this quote from Albert Einstein, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle.” It got me thinking, applying that concept to my own life.
That little girl went through literal Hell to recover (including a visit to Heaven, she said). What did I suffer through? Oh, just chemical imbalances. I stopped myself right there because even if my problems were not as severe as her’s doesn’t mean they have no significance. In fact, I know we have to fight for every. single. second. A constant battle takes a lot out of you, things that sleep or medication can’t even treat. Because our lives are so much of a struggle, we all have the same choice: give in to the black cloud hovering about us or stretch for the rays of light that find their way through the darkness.
Today is the last day of 2016 (thank God!). It is my last year of high school. It is my last year of being considered a child. Most importantly, it is the last year I let that black cloud control every aspect of my life. I wanted my Kindred Spirit, Carly, to join me. I painted this picture for her, filled with her favorite sayings, so that she will always know there is hope, sunshine, love, support. I post it here, for you, so that you, too, will find a light in the darkness.
This past year may have been the epitome of suffering and loneliness, but that’s what the new year is all about. Trying something new. Finding a different approach to fighting for your life. Remember that nothing lasts forever. We never know how much longer we will have in this life. What we do know is what is happening right now in this present moment. This moment may be glorious or degrading, but we never really have control over occurrences like that. We can control how we perceive those moments, though. Whether it’s depression or anxiety or heart disease or cancer or PTSD or paralysis, we only have so much time in this life. Why spend your limited seconds reflecting on all the pain when you could reflect on the beautiful moments, even if there are only a few of them?
There will always be heartache and happiness wherever you go; it is your choice which one you will reach out for. As for me, I think I’ll reach for happiness. Here comes the sun, and I will choose to say it’s alright.