You know those moods that turn into funks that turn into a long-term slumps? No, not the kind of funk that all the girls out there go through once a month *coughs* *raises hand*. It’s more like the progression Harry goes through in Order of the Pheonix when he’s kind of being controlled by Voldemort. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about here. You feel angry or upset all the time and end up pushing responsibilities away and cease all creative evolution because none of it really matters anyway.
Yup, I admit to it. This has been me for the past year or so. When I woke up, I had no real reason motivating me to get out of bed, to put makeup and clothes on, to complete even the littlest tasks. I blamed this on my depression and anxiety teaming up to see if they could get me to crumble again. I just went through the motions with as little active thinking as humanly possible, hoping they would eventually go away.
Stop grimacing at me! I’m only human, too, okay?
Thankfully, there’s this cool thing called YouTube where one is able to spend copious hours of their life laughing, learning, crying, cringing without really realizing all of that time has passed and you haven’t showered in two days…. Anyway! On YouTube, I am a massive fan of only a few creators (all, I’m sure, I will address at some point here and in a video on my own channel) who’ve produced worth while content. One YouTuber in particular has gone above and beyond making videos to really making a difference for women, education, and poverty. This creator goes by the name Lilly “iiSuperwomanii” Singh.
I’ve been watching her videos for, what, two years now? Probably more: depression alters your perception of time. Her real life humor and emotion captivated me to watch not only her main channel but her vlog channel as well. In March 2017, she published a book called How to be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life that outlines her philosophy on truly living life and being as successful as possible.
I wasted no time purchasing a copy and devouring the first chapter, then the second chapter, and before I knew it, the book was finished. After watching her videos for so long, I thought I had a grasp of who Lilly was, but this book brought me to an entirely new and powerful level of her true self that filled me to the brim with emotion.
For those of you who don’t know, Lilly actually went through an episode of depression toward her final years in University where she was studying psychology. She described it as “hitting rock bottom”. Instead of staying lost in that crippling realm of chronic self-hatred, she decided to fight for a way to be happy. She is now one of the most influential women in the world, and God knows she won’t stop there.
Back to the present where I had just closed the back cover of How to Be A Bawse to see one final gem of wisdom with the definition of a bawse. BAWSE/baus/n: a person who exudes confidence, hustles relentlessly, reaches goals, gets hurt efficiently, and smiles genuinely because he or she has fought through it all and made it out the other side.
I soaked in every podcast, interview, or short clip of her speaking about the book I could find. From each recording I clung to a phrase or an idea that added fuel to my fire. This may sound annoyingly cliche, but it’s true; Lilly’s testimony of success awoke something within myself. I felt it come alive, warmth flowed from my chest to the rest of my body. It was beautiful yet stern. The message was clear: stop waiting for everyone else, because you know damn well you are the only one who can do this.
I believe everyone needs someone to look up to who truly embodies their definition of success or happiness or both (Lilly is absolutely both for me). Don’t try and copy their every move; let their individuality empower your own unique strengths and embrace the worthwhile ideas that she/he stands for. Lilly is my person. Who’s yours?